Regrettably the truth of the matter is into every life a little rain must fall or perhaps more to the point every single human being on earth has moments that create strong negative feelings. Sometimes those feelings are anger, sometimes sorrow and sometimes even regret but always unpleasant even deeply painful. That reality can not be totally avoided. Oh sure, by living a focused and positive life we do reduce such negative feelings and experiences but since we are not totally in full control of everything that surrounds us we simply cannot totally eliminate such negativity. The question then become how do we best deal with the dark side so as to reduce the amount of pain it inflicts upon us and the length of time it influences us?
Ron enjoying champagne in Reims, France
Always look for the bright side because even in the darkest of moments there is often well hidden but still there a bright side. A fairly easy example might be getting a speeding ticket. Yes, it will cost you some money and that fact is very annoying, You might even find yourself getting really angry at the cop who wrote you up. But then pause and think that all he was doing was his job. He clocked you on radar doing 55 mph in a 30 mph zone. Be honest you know you were doing that. Oh okay you think that you were only doing 50 mph but even so you KNOW you were well above the speed limit. Now think a little deeper. If it is your habit to frequently drive well in excess of the speed limit consider the very real possibility that your driving is unacceptably dangerous, There is even a chance you might kill some innocent person, maybe even a young child who unexpectedly darts out in front of you. At the posted speed limit of 30 mph you may have been able to stop without striking the child but at 50 mph you simply could not do that so you strike the child and he is now dead – your fault. So what is worse, getting a speeding ticket or killing an innocent child? So the up side to getting that ticket is that it can cause you to reevaluate your driving habits and hopefully improve yourself and become a less dangerous menace on the road. Since my main purpose in writing this is to give you some tools for increasing your happiness consider this. You may either: A: stay totally pissed off at the stinking cop for maliciously writing you a speeding ticket even thought you were driving well below your care’s maximum potential, or B: accept the lesson to be learned and become a safer driver. Afterall as annoying as a speeding ticket can be it is much better that being arrested, tried and convicted of vehicular manslaughter and serving ten or more years in prison. So settle down and accept that getting that ticket was actually a blessing for you so don’t worry, be happy. Okay maybe you aren’t completely ready to consider it a happy event but at least you can begin to see the positive aspects and that will contribute to your overall sense of happiness.
What about those many other even more disturbing things that can and do touch just about everyone’s life. You just got fired from your job, just three weeks before Christmas. Obviously, the reasons for your firing plays a very important role, but whether it was because you were deemed to be utterly incompetent at your job or simply because business is bad and the company had to reduce its work force, either way you are out of work and will soon be out of money. So you can focus on the pain of losing your job, or focus on quickly finding a new and perhaps much better job. If you focus on the pain of your job loss absolutely nothing good will come of that and you will simply get deeper into anger and depression. But it you seize the moment as a real opportunity to find something even better with a brighter future then your attitude changes from despair to hope. Which do think will bring a great sense of happiness into your life?
Even the big daddy of harsh pain, the loss of a loved one, has options in how you allow that pain to control you. Your brother gets killed in a car crash, your mother dies from complications of cancer or grandpa just runs out of life. Three different situations each with its own scope and depth of pain. Certainly to mourn the loss of a loved one is a natural and even desirable human response. But even in the process of mourning you need to face the realities of the sad situation. An otherwise young and health person being killed in a car crash can be much harder to deal with than grandpa just running out of life. But perhaps among your many thoughts you might want to begin to consider all of the joy that now deceased loved one brought into your life during his or her life. Rejoice in that great gift and be thankful for the opportunities that has been bestowed upon you. That gift and those opportunities shall survive and will stay with you long after his or her death and for that you can be happy. Death from a deadly disease such as cancer is also a severe tragedy but do allow yourself to consider that at least that person was finally able to escape the great pain that disease brought into his or her life. Sure, getting well is the better choice but sometimes just not possible. But finally being free from excruciating pain is truly a gift, so try to focus on that reality so that you too may escape at least some of the pain of the loss of a wonderful person, And as for grandpa just running out of life at 93, well the overwhelming reality here is that at some point we all just run out of life. Rejoice in all of the years grandpa was alive and cherish all of the positive memories you have of your relationship with grandpa and rejoice in the knowledge that all of that remains alive in your heart and mind and then you can actually achieve a level of happiness and joy not because he died, but because he lived.
Ape thinking positive
As you begin to see that there are positives even in the most distressing of life experiences and that you can begin to develop a much stronger sense of joy and happiness even in the face of life’s toughest challenges, you will discover that in so doing you can move more quickly and fully beyond those dark moments and achieve a much happier life for yourself. More succinctly put: Don’t Worry – Be Happy.
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Be sure to listen to The Dr. Ron Show every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. Pacific. Just click: Doctor Ron’s Show
Photos: Courtesy of Ron Irwin
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